Hate comes with all of the opposite feelings of love. Disgust when you see your object of animosity, a desire to inflict pain, destroy, a deep loathing, that burning, weighted frustration. And then there's this obsessive passion. Love has that one too actually.
Alissa had to work HC duty, so she was stranded in her dorm. I showed up with a couple of movies that never got watched (we've seen five in three days, so lol yesterday became our break), and Ellie showed up too. We kept Alissa company. Every once in a while, she'd have to go off on an HC run to check up on the floor mates. Ellie and I talked about all of the people we realized we hated from our London crowd. But I guess we don't really hate them that much. I'm just pissed off by their existence, and I have no need to be around them ever, so I just don't. Simple problem. My life is happy. I have other people.
But shiiit I do hate someone. I remembered about an argument I got into with one of my friends earlier that day. Holyshit. Essentially, he feels that, as a woman, I am only capable of so much, and I am limited by the competency of the man I get hitched with. My influence over this individual is the extent of the influence I have over the world, because, again, as a woman, I can't do anything in this society. Are you fucking shitting me? Exactly what year do we live in? But no, he's entirely serious, and he tells me I live outside of reality, and everything I say is bullshit. What the fuck? It's sickening because I never knew he felt this way, and his opinions blatantly deny my existence. How can I hang around with someone who can't respect me as an equal no matter what I accomplish?
I talked to Nik, and he told me about how hate is an obsession just like love and how I shouldn't hate. It's intuitive, really. And I have a choice about these things. I can't be friends, and to be enemies is to hate, so... eradicate from my life.
*exhale*
Time to go work on my philosophy paper now. I finished my linear exam yesterday, and once my paper is done, I just have some studying to do. Study, finish up my final four work shifts, two exams, and then I go home.
Will miss Nik.
But I love you all, so I'm happy to go home and see friends :D :D Really miss Brendan and my brother, and I feel obligated to look out for those two too.